Let me preface this story by telling you about a private joke between Stan and I. One day, when he was picking on me a little, we saw a sign "Baby Talking Parrots For Sale" and I told him I needed to buy one. He asked why I wanted one and I said it would be his to teach how to talk so when he died I would have something to remind me of him. "You're wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! You are always wrong! Everything you do is wrong!" We died laughing about it! And, now, when we're being picky we mimic the parrot talk to each other and laugh.
Now to yesterday's story...Wednesday night I got a call from a woman with a dog rescue organization. She had spoken for 6 dogs at the Greenville, SC Animal Shelter and needed a transport from Greenville to a vet in Mt. Holly, NC (just short of Charlotte). She had a transport arranged but the person never showed or called so she was really in a lurch (she lives "a pretty fur piece" from Greenville, SC). She had called one of my sisters who couldn't make the run but she gave this lady my number. I couldn't say no when the need was so great. Besides, all of the transports I've done have been pretty straight forward with no big problems. The worst one was a dog that was in such bad shape that it smelled horrible and we had to drive with the windows down and our heads stuck out. So I told her I would take the whole run. It was just 40 mins to Greenville and 40 mins back and then 45 mins to Mt Holly and 45 mins back. Besides, there are some shops in Charlotte I love to shop at and I could combine the trip with some shopping. Then she told me it was a Mastiff puppy, small Dalmation, and 4 small dogs from a Hoarding bust. Six dogs with 2 being larger would fill my Trailblazer to the limit but I still thought I was good to go. Mastiff puppy should be no bigger than a small Lab right?
So I got ready Thursday morning and stopped at Elaine's to get 1 more large crate (the biggest one you can get) and 2 smaller crates....I had a collapsible big crate and 2 smaller crates of my own. I had small dog leashes since the biggest dog should be about 40 lbs. My brother-in-law put the crate together with double plastic tie wraps and a bungie cord to secure the door. I got to Greenville to picked up the dogs. There I was confronted with "Gigantor" (my name for him), the Mastiff "puppy". He was underweight and showing his ribs but he must have weighed 100 lbs! Thankfully, he fit in the crate. The Dalmation and the other dogs were normal so I was still good to go. As soon as the car started down the road, the Chihuahua named Goose, started caterwauling..."Error, Error, Error, Error!" He did this all the way from Greenville to the gas station where I was suppose to get gas and meet my mother. Now I know why he was named "Goose", he sounded like one...CONSTANTLY!
OK, this is NOT me and Gigantor was not this big, but, honestly, at the time, it sure felt like it!!!!!
We don't like to make transports or home visits alone and Mom was the only one available to go with me. She had a doctor's appt earlier so couldn't go to Greenville but she would ride to Charlotte with me. Halfway to our meeting place, I started laughing hysterically because I got what the dog was saying..."Error, Error," i.e., "You're wrong, Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! You are always wrong! Everything you do is wrong!" I called Stan at work and told him to forget the talking parrot, I had a dog that would remind me of him!!!!
We made it safely to the gas station and I started filling up the gas tank. The Trailblazer's back windows are tinted opaque. I noticed the car bouncing but I couldn't see inside so I just assumed the Mastiff was changing positions. I went inside to the restroom and when I came back outside there was the MASTIFF SITTING IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT! Mom helped me get the small dog leash on him (which would never stop him if he decided to walk in the opposite direction!) and we wrestled him back to the rear of the car. Believe me it was like walking a baby elephant to the back of the car and coaxing him into a dog crate in the back! Oh my back and arms!!!! But we had adrenaline running because I was in a panic. What if I lost control of him and he got in all the traffic!?!
Once I got him back in, I told Mom to hurry and slam the tailgate and I would get the car started and maybe he would settle down in the crate again. But by the time we slammed the tailgate and I got to the driver's door, he had popped the crate like an egg and was sitting in the passenger seat waiting for me. Meanwhile, on his way to the front he had stepped on the Dalmation's collapsible crate collapsing it on him and tossed the small dog crates around. He seemed to be a gentle giant and docile so I had no choice but to let him sit in the passenger side while we drove to Mt Holly. But I couldn't eat my sandwich because, what Gigantor wants, Gigantor gets! Mom did give me my tea but I only got to drink half of it before he slobbered on it and I could have no more! I could only pray that my sugar didn't drop while I'm driving 70 mph down the Interstate. And in the back, the little prophet is still barking, "Error, Error, Error, Error".
Mom followed me to make sure if something happened to me someone from the family would be there. For a moment I questioned myself, "Did you shave your legs? Have you got on good underwear?" Check, check. So I was good to go. Heaven forbid I should have a car accident with stubbly legs and my worst pair of drawers!
Gigantor decided he really wanted to ride in my lap but there is just not enough room for the both of us behind the wheel so I was having to manhandle him the whole way.
His drooling and fur was becoming a problem and I could hear Stan now about the condition of the car when I got home, "Error, Error, Error, Error". Oh no, that was the dog in the back seat! So I rolled the window halfway down so he could stick his head out the window. Maybe that would get rid of some of the slobber and occupy him. He stuck his head outside and, sure enough, slobber was slung all over the back windows. He liked it so much that he decided to climb out of the window and ride on the hood! I was doing 70mph trying to grab the little dog leash on him to haul him back in the car before he broke the side view mirror and fell out of the car. At this point, I was NOT slowing down! I was getting to Mt Holly in the fastest amount of time allowable under law!
I had set my GPS to the Vet address but was having a hard time hearing her directions because of the rolled down window and the little prophet of doom in the back, "Error, Error, Error, Error". So I held it in my lap. But Gigantor tried to get in my lap again and put his huge paw right on my leg and I just knew he was going to crush the GPS and I would be stuck with Gigantor forever! I grabbed his foreleg and tugged to move him back and it stayed there. With all my might I couldn't lift his leg! (Not that I had a lot of "might") My adrenaline was running out and I still had Gigantor in the car. I knew my sugar was getting on the edge. It just couldn't drop while I was driving. I mean, I was distracted ENOUGH already! "Error, Error, Error, Error".
We did make it to the Vet and as I opened my door, Gigantor got excited and wanted out FIRST! I slid out just in time and did a spread eagle to hold him in and hollered to Mom to get me some help. The female Vet came out with a leash and easily got Gigantor. She didn't seem to have any problems with Himself. But, then I hadn't had any problems with him either. He truly was a gentle giant, just too big and what Gigantor wants, Gigantor gets. He was very sweet but just too big to control if he wanted something opposite of what you wanted. Anyway, Mom and I got the crates of dogs inside and got the poor Dalmation out from under the collapsed crate (he was fine). It was then that I saw that Gigantor had popped all those tie wraps and the bungie cord.
I walked inside the Vet and the Vet told me that she couldn't keep all the animals because they simply didn't have the room! Oh no! I called the dog rescue organization and she was frantically trying to find someone to meet me and take control of the dogs. But she hadn't been able to get anyone yet, could I wait there for awhile. As I hung up my sugar finally dropped and in seconds I was almost fainting. The Vet got me a Coke and Mom ran out to the car to get the sandwiches. Timing couldn't have been more perfect.
While we munched on sandwiches a policeman came in and said no one should leave the building because a 300 lb BEAR was roaming around the building! (We're nearly in Charlotte, NC for goodness sakes). I suggested we send Gigantor out to make friends with the bear but they just laughed at me. The Vet staff rounded up all the dogs in the outside kennels (including Gigantor and the Dalmation) and brought them inside which meant they REALLY had no room for the 4 little ones that I had brought in. So I made an executive decision...I told them to keep the crates, I was going home and I would just buy new crates if I had to. The dog rescue organization told me she would get the crates back to me in a few days and I'm sure she will, but I was just too tired to care by that time. I said a silent final farewell to Gigantor, Goose and the others and left. Shopping was out of the question so we made it safely home. I was in bed by 6:00pm.
So he was a young English Mastiff, but I wouldn't say a PUP!
Other English Mastiffs
(For size comparison)