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Contact me at Mom25dogs@gmail.com

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Conversation with Dogs

Conversation with Dogs

Scene:
My Uncle lives on a walking trail here. He wanted me to come over and bring some of my dogs and take a walk with him and his dog. He has a morose Border Collie that is totally trained. Even off leash the dog keeps in perfect order! He reminds me of Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh. So I DIDN'T take Miss MoneyPenny. Her little headstrong self would have given my Uncle's dog bad ideas. So I took the tall ones (for those uninitiated ones, those are my Italian Greyhounds, the miniature kind, I.G.'s, Iggies). We got there at 8:15am and walked 2 miles. For those of you who don't know me I can barely walk to the mailbox and back and catch my breath PLUS, being a mature woman, the heat slays me. I thought it was early enough not to be too hot. I guess my air conditioner has spoiled me. The humidity was like a steam room. It's been in upper 90's and 3 digits with a high heat index for the whole month of August. Anyway, here is the conversation today.

"COME ON, MOM! I WANNA RUN!" -Capo the Clown

"I'm pulling her the best I can without injuring my trachea." -Dresden

"Huff, huff, huff" -Sharon

"What the heck is a trachea?" -Cap

"My throat, now you pull too and maybe we can at least get a lope out of her." -Dresden

"Lope? That's for sissies! If I can't run flat out then I'm gonna walk and take in the sights, get a few smells going here." -Capo

"So I guess I'm gonna have to pull her myself?" -Dresden

"I guess so. Mmmmm, smell that pee? That's a Rottweiler that came by yesterday about noon. He has been feasting on Iams dog food and scratched his back about 25 feet back. Looks like he's in love with the Poodle who lives next door to him. She likes to watch TV but every once in awhile she climbs on the back of the couch to bark at him and tease him. Yeah, and smells like his owner took a bath and used Prell shampoo. Says it's way better than that other stuff she used to use..." -Capo

"Quit...:::huff:::...reading...:::huff:::...the...:::huff:::...newspaper
...:::gasp:::...We...:::huff:::...are...:::gasp:::...losing...:::huff:::...Uncle!" -Sharon

"Mom, don't die on us, OK? I'll stop pulling if you just don't die. We need you to feed us! So stay with us." -Dresden

"Yaarrrooowwwllll, YoooooHooooo, Yaaaahhhhhh, Whooooooo, Uncle come back, don't go so fast. Mommy can't keep up." -Capo, in singing barks

"What the heck was that?" -mutters uncle's border collie, Jack, in a monotone.

"That's us, you dip wad! Who do you think? We take opera lessons." -Capo

"And what is opera?" -Jack in his monotone

"Yee gads, man! You don't know what opera is?" -Dresden in surprise

"Let's give him a dose of our talents, Drez. Yeeeeeooooowwww, Wooooooooohooooooo" -Capo

"Yaaaarrrrooooooowwwwwlllll, Yoooooowwwwwllllll" -Dresden chiming in, the boys doing a duet as Jack looks glum and puts his paws over his ears.

"Ssssshhhhh....:::huff:::...:::gasp:::...stop...barking....get...:::huff:::
...moving....:::gurgle:::" -Sharon

"Hey there's a butterfly!" -Capo

"Ah, the papilio, or, as the French say, the papillon. Did you know there are 4750 species of papilio world wide? And some ants are dependant on some butterfly species and therefore defend them. While this relationship is usually facultative, the mutualism..." -Dresden

"Ah, shut up, you big blowhard! You're just trying to show off! But I can tell you this, some butterflies poop yellow stuff that looks like butter and they call them Butter S**ts BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!" -Capo, dancing around the butterflies and Sharon rests on a bench.

"There they go using filthy language, Father. Let's distance ourselves from them." -Jack to uncle in his monotone

"OK, let's go again." -Sharon, ready to get back home to the air conditioning.

"Well! Try to teach some dogs new tricks and they just want learn. Hmph!" -Dresden and he trots ahead.

"You know this river sand is pretty nice to walk on. Much better than that asphalt at that other trail. It'doesn't get too hot or too cold, not too hard on the old pads if you know what I mean." -Capo

"Uncle...:::huff:::...my feet...:::gasp:::...have...:::wheeze:::...blisters...:::gasp:::
from the...:::huff:::...river sand...:::gasp:::...in my sandals! -Sharon

"Hey, it's better than my pads getting blistered on that ole hot asphalt! I can even dig in this stuff and there are great smells caught in it." -Capo

"Leave it to you to dig in the dirt, you silly dog." -Dresden as he paws on Mommy's leg wanting her to carry him.

"No...:::huff:::...Drez...:::gasp:::...I can't...:::wheeze:::...carry you." -Sharon

"So you are down in the dirt with the rest of us 'silly' dogs, are you? Hee hee" -Capo

"Father, those mutts are still behind us. Can't we please leave them?" -whispered Jack in his monotone

"Who are you calling mutts? Put'em up! Put'em up!" -Capo

"I say, that was low class Mr. Jack. I have a brown belt in Dogeh and can show you a thing or two!" -says Dresden as he does his Dogeh preparations. - "Yaaaaha!"

"Dresden...:::huff:::...stop it...:::gasp:::...:::wheeze:::...:::gurgle:::" -Sharon

"Yeah, he's a weinie. Just leave him alone and lets get back to the house. I'm a little pooped myself. Ha ha, get it Drezzy...pooped? They don't call me butter sh**t. It's a little brown, if you know what I mean?" -Capo, laughing

Dresden rolls his eyes and trots on.

"I think Mom is getting slower and slower." -Dresden

"Yeah and I have to admit I am too." -Capo

"Ah, finally the car! Let's go home, Mommy" -Capo as he gets in the car.

"Good bye" -mutters Jack in his monotone voice, as his tail wags (secretly he's just glad the tall ones are gone).

"Aurevoir" -Dresden as he climbs in Mommy's lap and looks at Jack through the window.

"See ya" -Capo and he starts making his 3 turns on the passenger seat.

He settles down and he's immediately asleep. Dresden's sleepy eyes follow the scenery as he snuggles up to Mommy in her lap. He thinks he has to make sure Mommy doesn't fall asleep at the wheel.

"Whew, guys let's clean up and go to bed." -Sharon

"Sounds good to me, Mother." -chimes the boys, sleepily

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